


I'd Tell You I Love You, But Then I'd Have To Kill You

by i_once_wrote_a_dream



Series: Every Minute Of Every Universe [17]
Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Blow Jobs, Idiots in Love, M/M, Married Couple, Minor Violence, Mr. and Mrs. Smith - Freeform, Spies & Secret Agents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-23
Updated: 2017-11-23
Packaged: 2019-02-06 01:53:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12807027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_once_wrote_a_dream/pseuds/i_once_wrote_a_dream
Summary: A bullet whizzing past Isak’s ear, lodging itself into his living room wall is fucked up. The fact that said bullet came from his husband’s gun, well, that’s extremely fucked up.





	I'd Tell You I Love You, But Then I'd Have To Kill You

**Author's Note:**

> I started this when I thought I could still make fic week, but I just came back to it, and low-key fell in love with it all over again.
> 
> Also Mr. & Mrs. Smith is literally the greatest. 
> 
> And the title comes from a book, which is less great than Mr. &Mrs. Smith.

_This is so fucked up._

And yeah, you could say that this situation is fucked up. A bullet whizzing past Isak’s ear, lodging itself into his living room wall is fucked up. The fact that said bullet came from his husband’s gun, well, that’s extremely fucked up. Except Isak doesn’t care about any of that. Ok, the whole husband shooting him thing is cause for a little concern, but the only thing Isak can focus on is how hot this is. How much his quiet husband is turning him on. Despite how beautiful Even is, he’s never felt this kind of fire, this kind of passion for him.

“Your aim is as bad as your cooking, sweetheart.” A knife flies into the post behind him, Even’s saccharine voice almost teasing a scoff from Isak’s mouth. But that won’t do. So Isak stays quiet, light on his feet, quick hands reloading his weapon. He turns quick firing into the kitchen, hitting the oven. Shit. He ducks, narrowly missing the blast of flame. That should do it. Isak pauses, watching the fire eat away at his (top of the line) kitchen. And Even.

Or not, because Even’s jumping out, flames licking his arms and back, fighting Isak with his bare hands. A kick to his chest sends Isak flying back, but that isn’t enough to stop him, he’s up within seconds, barreling towards Even. He pushes him into a chest, breaking a lamp over his head while Even’s keeled over. He pulls away, running for the door, when a hand grabs at his ankle, pulling him to the ground with a thud. 

“Fuck you,” Isak groans out, dizzy with arousal from Even’s powerful stance as he straddles him. Or the fall. It could have been either, but none of that matters when Even’s mouth is just inches away from his own, and he can’t help but pull him in and close the distance. It’s only seconds before he’s licking into Even’s mouth, his husband relaxing on top of him. 

“I can do that.” There’s something intoxicating about the way Even’s voice drops an octave, a low growl in his ear. And if Isak were a weaker man, he’d have caved. Fallen for musk of Even’s cologne and his distinct sweat that would drive anyone else mad with want. But Isak is far from weak. Far from stupid. He lets his fingers trail Even’s back, grinding up onto him. Isak finds what he’s looking for, pulling the gun from Even’s waistband, and pushing the barrel into his chest. 

He watches, slack-jawed, as Even backs up, sexy smirk still playing on his lips. Isak thinks back to all those years of sparse vanilla sex, mourning what could have been. 

“Wanna test my aim now, baby?” Even throws his head back laughing, eyes sparkling when he looks back at Isak.

“Well played, Is,” Even noses along Isak’s jaw, ignoring the hard gun pushing deeper into his skin. “But, uh, I’m just too good.” It’s so fast, he has no idea how, but the gun now hangs loosely from Even’s fingers. “Hands up.”

Isak complies, chest heaving. He didn’t do failure, and now he’d have to pay with his life. Perhaps this is some sort of karma for all the shit he’s done to people, deserving or not. 

“You gonna kill me, Even? Shoot your husband?” He’s stalling and Even knows it. Isak looks around for something, anything to distract Even with. 

“I’ll leave that to the boys. I just want to have some fun.” 

“Yeah? What kind of fun? What are you going to do to me?” He does his best to keep the tremble out of his voice, but Even hears it, a small smile lighting up his handsome face.

“You feel this don’t you, babe? It’s never been like this before. I want to touch you.” Isak knows. He’s never wanted his husband this much in the three years they’ve been married. He lets Even pull him by his neck, sweetly kissing him, knocking the breath out of Isak. “You’re beautiful.” 

“No, you are.” Even laughs into Isak’s mouth.

“Ok. We are. We’re so beautiful. Can I?” Even’s hands hover around Isak’s hips. Isak nods, his hand resting on Even’s fast beating heart. Isak marvels at how well the fit together like this. Wonders why he’d never known it before. 

“Good. Then sit back.” Isak find a clear spot on the mostly damaged couch, keeping a wary eye on the gun. Even comes in close, dropping to his knees between Isak’s legs. “This ok? Wanna blow you.” 

_God, that’s so ok._ Isak has never been so ok with anything in his life. “Need you, Ev,” he whines, hands finding their way into Even’s hair, threading in with the silky strands. He shifts as Even nuzzles clothed crotch. Isak’s heart stutters and pounds when Even pulls him out, tentatively licking at his head. He drops small kisses and Isak isn’t sure he can take it. He pulls on Even’s hair a bit, desperate for anything, everything else. “More, baby.” 

“You’re so perfect, Is.” Even hisses, before taking him in, hollowing out his cheeks. “So perfect for me.” It’s a delicious kind of delirium, that Isak hasn’t ever experienced before. His mind is mush and body alight with so much sensation. Even's mouth is a gift from some divine being, it’s downright holy. He pulls off with a pop, beaming up at Isak, a string of wet spit and precum trailing after his luscious lips. Even is an obscene picture of innocence. And Isak is in love with it.

“I couldn’t kill you, Isak,” Even sits up, pulling Isak’s neck down to meet his lips. He tastes so good. “You’re the sweetest.” 

“You were going to.” Isak looks down, letting the hurt finally seep into his voice. He’d always sort of loved Even, despite their perfectly boring marriage being a sham. He cared deeply for Even. 

“I don’t think I would have. I probably would have let you take the shot.”

“I would have. I’d be heartbroken, but I would have done it,” Isak buries his face in his hands. “I’m the last person who should be having a morality crisis.” Even lifts his chin, cradling Isak’s face.

“I know. And I’m ok with it. I don’t love you any less. In fact, I think this was probably the best foreplay ever.” Isak lets himself be held, taking comfort against his husband’s chest.

“Even?”

“Yeah, baby.”

“I’m still hard.” Even throws his head back, pearly whites glinting in the light. 

“Guess we should fix that.”

.

Anna loves her neighborhood. The quiet street with pretty trees looks gorgeous whatever the weather. She has a great relationship with all of her neighbours too. The Bergs across the street have lovely children that brighten her day when she’s out on a walk. The Valtersens next door are a wonderful couple. Perfect people, really. Even’s a whiz in the kitchen and always brings by some of his desserts. And Isak, he comes over whenever she needs help with her computer. Two good eggs. Quiet. Except, last night you would have thought an entire demolition crew was having their way with the usually pristine home. She’d have to check in on them in the morning.

They don’t answer on the third knock, but Anna is persistent. And worried. There’s some shuffling behind the door, so Anna stands up a little straighter, adjusting her hair, not wanting to appear out of order to her handsome neighbours.

Isak answers the door, grinning, and shockingly underdressed. He’s covering his lower half with a duvet, bright red marks littering his chest. Anna does her best to keep her eyes above his neck, smiling politely. 

“Anna, good to see you.” Even’s booming voice comes from behind Isak, body coming to block her view into the house. She peers around them, but settles for looking at the boys.

“Hello dears. I just wanted to check up on you. There was quite a bit of noise last night.” They have the grace to look abashed.

“Sorry, Anna. We made a bit of a snap decision to redecorate. We’ll try to keep it down in the future.” Even’s hand mindlessly travels along Isak’s shoulders.

“That’s quite alright, I thought you might have gotten hurt, is all.” She supposes that’s all, and offers them a final goodbye, and a promise from Even that he’d be bringing over brownies in the afternoon.

The boys kiss in their doorway, sending a pang through her chest. She remembers when her husband and her were like them. So deeply in love. _Good eggs._ Anna smiles.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments/Kudos are lovely!


End file.
